


Is it Scary?

by Korilans



Category: Original - Fandom, Original Work
Genre: ...somwhere, Affection, Emotional, First ever post, Gen, Love, One two three, Personal Writing, Testing - Freeform, damn gremlins, just a thing I made, like seriously fuck the little emotion monsters, not really fanfic, realizing that some part of this situation implies masochisim on my part
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-06
Updated: 2017-04-06
Packaged: 2018-10-15 08:46:29
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 998
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10553452
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Korilans/pseuds/Korilans
Summary: This is a story I wrote to kind of help get a handle on the feelings I had for a guy awhile ago.  I'd love to see what people actually think of my writing.





	

Are you filled with abject terror?  
Are you afraid of losing him after letting him so far in?  
Does he make you so happy it hurts?

You fought to keep your emotions in the box…where they belonged. Pandora was a fool to open the box, you weren’t going to make the same mistake, you put them all in a box and you buried it deep and you filled the whole and your built all those walls and you kept building. Day after day, year after year, you kept building. You made sure no one would ever get close, and every time someone so much as tried to you ran the other way, you ran as far and as fast as you could. For years you built your impenetrable fortress, half hoping someone would finally knock down all the walls, the other half hoping no one dare.  
Then one day all the emotions started running around like gremlins, destroying that peace and quiet you’d strived to maintain for years. You checked all the walls and all the fortifications of your heart and they were all still standing, as pristine as the day you put them up, and just as untouched. Who got in? How did they get in? How did they get the key to the box? How had they so thoroughly bypassed every defense like it was nothing, and leave it all standing?  
That’s when you realized. You let him in, despite yourself, as if in complete disregard of your better judgement you actually let him in. You don’t know why you did it, you’re not like this! You don’t do this! You are the pinnacle of logic and order, spontaneous is not an adjective used to describe you. You let him in and you’re happy… you’re scared.  
Why did you do that? What possessed you to do something so unlike you? Why did you open the door and hand him the key to the one thing you never wanted unlocked? What did he do that was so extraordinary? The answer of course was simple. He didn’t do anything extraordinary, he didn’t have to. He looked at you like you were beautiful, he looked at you like you mattered, and he thought about you even when you weren’t there. He showed you magic you didn’t think even existed, he showed you how the stars shined so much brighter when you looked at them together, he showed you that the world is so much warmer when you are with him. You are afraid.  
He’s far away, but stuck in your head. He’s not here, but he’s all you can think about. You worry what he thinks of you, what he thinks of ‘Us’, you worry what he sees in you, you wonder why. He makes you happier than you’ve been in so long, but you worry if it’s the same for him. Does he feel the same? Are you as important to him as he is to you? Does he want you to be? It hurts.  
Is it love? Do you want it to be? You kept your emotions in the box for so long you don’t know which is which anymore. Do you care? It’s what you want it to be. Right?  
You like your bed so much more when he’s there with you. You do things, you don’t do, with him. He’s not what you thought he’d be, he’s not what you thought you wanted, but it doesn’t matter, he’s him and that’s all you care about now. He’s him, and he’s not perfect, but to you he doesn’t need to be, because he is.  
You lay in bed at night and think of a hundred reasons why it will all fall apart, but at the end, just before you fall asleep, you always think about how he makes you smile, and you smile one last time. When you wake up you check your phone for messages from him, you love it when he does that, except when he doesn’t. You message him throughout the day and sometimes you hold conversations for a while, and others you eagerly await a reply, for hours.  
You feel like you’re getting torn into pieces and put back together again over and over, and you want it to stop, but you know that there is only one way that happens and you don’t want it! You don’t want to lock the doors, you don’t want to round up the gremlins and put them back in the box, you want him. You want him and you would suffer the agony of your own emotions for time; infinite just to be able to say ‘Us’.  
You sit there in the middle of all your walls next to that empty box and you wonder why you ever thought you could keep them in there for so long. You may not know them well yet, but you feel better than you have in a long time and now you wouldn’t change a thing for the world! You’ve seen the stars brighter than they’ve ever been, you’ve felt the warmth that only he can give you, you’ve seen the magic in the world, the magic you couldn’t have dreamed existed until now. You’re afraid, and you hurt, but you’re happy, and for the first time in a very long time, you feel like you.  
Is it scary? Absolutely! No one ever said it would be easy, but you think to yourself, that as long as it’s him, it’ll all work out, you’ll get your happily ever after. You still have a ways to go before all the old wounds heal, but you’ll get there as long as it’s with him. You hope against hope and dream beyond sleep, that it’ll have been him all along. He is light in your darkness and warmth in your cold, he is chaos in your calm. He is everything you hoped he would be and more.

 

Is it scary?


End file.
